I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
