I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
