we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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