She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
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