Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
