i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
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I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
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I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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