I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
