you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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