i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
