all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
How's work?
Spinning.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
