Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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