I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
