I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
