He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
