isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
