rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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