Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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