you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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