New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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