i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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