Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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