I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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