i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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