No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Randomize
