I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
