I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
