alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
