Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Randomize
