i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
