you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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