Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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