just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
