everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
