No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Randomize
