I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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