ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
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When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
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He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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