Pappa wants mamma naked
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
