I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
