So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
