I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
