Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!