I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
