PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
