im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize