I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
