The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
