I'm so fucking centered right now
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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