sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
