If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
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I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
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Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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