this boner is exhausting
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
