i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
