I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
