i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i already hear my dad disowning me
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
