Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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