You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
