just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Be still, my beating vagina.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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