College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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