sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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