I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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