I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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